Subtle Mind

  This latest exercise is an interesting one. I am trying to observe how I think and what possible thought patterns I may have. I am fortunate in the sense that I have been trying to mimic this technique with those of my own prior to this book. I have been curious as to how I perceive life and how I interpret stimuli. How I ranked things in life as of importance from childhood, adolescence, and now adulthood. I believe this is called reflection.
  With the subtle mind exercise, I am attempting to grasp my pattern of thought. As I begin and my mind is all clattered with chaos and misdirection, I go back to the focal point of breathing. My eyes are closed yet I am having different things going on. I recreate scenes from earlier in the days past experiences, I hear the voices and conversations without imagery as well, and I look at a screen of black and white fuzz (like an old tv program that just went off air) talking to myself in my mind about how I can't seem to concentrate.
  As I shift back to my focal point of breathing, I alter the breathing technique because abdominal breathing is more beneficial and comforting than trying to expand the chest. My thoughts start to lessen in chaos and at times I can go from being presently aware of my forced concentration to quick scenic imagery or an induced vision/dream. I can not keep this for too long and end up back in the present of knowing I am trying to force something upon myself. It takes a little while before I stop trying to force my self to image or think of something and just relax. As I relax, I just simply think of an instance that I recall feeling/acting/saying something from before and contemplate why I did such a reaction. Now I can analyze and contemplate my predisposed reactions and consider changes to such behavior that will encourage inner peace.
  This connection is important in the spiritual physical and mental aspect of wellness. It allows me to consider my usual behaviors and look at them from a different perspective. I can analyze and rationalize on them to help find healthier solutions or reactions. The goal is to build on health and being physically fit in not everything if your personality is unhealthy. Having a great mind is not enough if you lack physical health. Also if you do not have a belief or faith in a higher good, then you will feel incomplete. I have dated people from each category who had a single attribute or maybe even two and it never is enough to keep my attention or affection. If I desire more in a partner, I imagine my partner will desire the same in me.